they didn’t know that she was planning something. most people thought she was perfectly fine. she was good at pretending…but some people knew she wasn’t okay but they didn’t realize how bad it was. she would party every weekend. she was border line alcoholic/pill head rarely going 48 hours without being 100% sober. She tried finding comfort in anything even if that meant fucking some guy she just met one night while she had been drinking… everyday was going by as a blur. they didn’t know that she cried herself to sleep every night. they didn’t know that she had practiced cutting herself so many times. they didn’t know that she had written and rewritten letters to all the people she cared about most telling them she loved them & apologizing. she even wrote one to the person who was most important to her, who wouldn’t understand what had happened because she was too young. she wanted him to know it wasn’t his fault and she loved him dearly. they just didn’t know. they found her surrounded… in her own blood. they finally knew… they finally realized that she really wasn’t okay & the rumors, & the fake friends, & the guys who liked her for all the wrong reasons, & the family, & the lies, & the unperfect body that she saw, had gotten to her. she finally had the courage to press down hard enough… & they finally knew that she planned this…………

I’m so broken. not half full, not half empty, not ever cracked. I’m just broken. I can’t exist anymore. I can barely function. there’s nothing left to me. and I don’t care.